Bund Sightseeing Tunnel
I only went on this adventure because my guidebook told me not to. Actually, it said specifically, that it was so bad that there would be some sort of cult following making it incredibly popular. Oh dear, not so!
The Bund is a strip of land alongside the Huangpo river. It is called the Bund because the word originates from India where it means a strip of land built up to keep floods from occurring. The Bund is where Shanghai’s ports reside and it is the first place Foreigners saw when arriving in Shanghai in the “old days”. Therefore, many foreign-style buildings reside along the Bund. I noticed a tour in my guidebook that began in the Bund Sightseeing Tunnel and ended with Chinese’s only “Sex Culture Museum” as well as a selection of deep-sea fish viewing…not part of the sex culture museum, of course.
I can only describe the whole adventure as one directly out of some sort of carnival crap-fest. It was ridiculous. It was pathetic. It was a little bit creepy and it was completely over the top.
I purchased a ticket for the “whole package” although I wasn’t stupid enough to purchase a return ticket and was determined to take the metro back home. I made my way through the turnstiles to find little pod-like cars waiting for people. The pod before mine had two people in it. The woman in charge of filling the pods apparently didn’t care whether we had an enjoyable experience or not because she smashed fifteen people into my pod. I was one of the first, so though I didn’t have a seat at the front, I was at least at a window and could see out.
The pod doors closed and all the lights went off. A male voice said in thundering English, “Water is above. Sky is above still. You are not above.” This must have been translated into Chinese by a female voice. Then, as the car moved along, we were privy to a strange light show that looked straight out of the 1970’s. At each interval, the lights would stop and the male-female ensemble would holler tidbits at us, “The sea is dark. The sea is light. This is the sea.” Or “Magma is hot. Be careful!” Or “Light is all around you, try and touch the light….TOO LATE!” It was strange and I laughed under my breath a lot. There was one little girl in my car who seemed to really like the “ride”. Everyone else seemed to really want it to be over.
On the other side, I got out of the little tram and made my way to a hall full of people selling stuff. It took me a while to find the “Museum of Sex Culture” as it was not very well advertised. When I did finally find it, the woman took my ticket reluctantly and I felt like she was telling me with her actions that I should turn away immediately. The museum, in and of itself, wasn’t so bad. The patrons were the creepy part. All older men, I was so happy to see a foreign couple at the other end of the long, basement room, dedicated to the paraphernalia of sex kitsch from all eras of Chinese existence.
A few of the first exhibits boasted the following titles, “Natural tree branch in the natural shape of a male penis”. I had a few problems with these exhibits. First of all, why the need for the word MALE in front of penis? To be extra clear, I suppose, but COME ON! And secondly, the pieces of wood were OBVIOUSLY carved. There was no way that these things were made by nature. Anyone who has seen someone whittling away at wood would know that this wasn’t natural. But, you get what you pay for, and by purchasing a ticket on the Bund sightseeing tunnel light-show extravaganza, I hadn’t paid anything extra to see the Sex Museum, so, there you go.
There was some sort of video being shown in the center of the “museum” and several men sat staring blankly at the video. It wasn’t anything explicit, only a man looking bored and talking about pottery with extra large phallus imagery on it. But for some reason, I started to feel really dirty and left before I had seen every exhibit. Apparently, the feeling was mutual because I found the female of the foreign couple waiting for her boyfriend outside the door. She told me the place had given her the creeps. I made my way quickly to the deep-sea “animal” exhibit.
This was truly pathetic. One long corridor was cordoned off for the exhibition of tanks full of sad little sea creatures. I took photos of many of them, all the while thinking of the movie, “Finding Nemo”. I really wanted to save them, but couldn’t think of a good way of getting any of them back to the sea so decided it wasn’t up to me to make their lives any better.
At the end of the exhibit was the worst, though. Several animals had been taxidermied and displayed in a weird sort of artistic stylization. There were several large tortoises with money thrown around them and stuff into their mouths. It was a very depressing trip overall and I was ecstatic to be out in the fresh, hot, afternoon air after leaving the place. Looking back, though, the guidebook was right: it was so horrible it was certainly worth a look!
